P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
