I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
