You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
