im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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