They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
