I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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