He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
