we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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