i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
