We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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