question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He did a backflip because drugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
