she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
