Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
