dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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