as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
