how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
