I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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