Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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