hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
