Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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