I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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