OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
