you're like a bully in the Christmas story
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
