This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
don't judge my taste in strippers
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
