and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
