I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
