you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
