is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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