I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize