I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found the puke drawer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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