you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just gargled with NyQuil
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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