Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
