Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize