You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
