32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
