am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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