THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone signed my nipple.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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