In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
