I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
