walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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