After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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