I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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