Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
