girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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