Plan B is the new Plan A
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
