I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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