I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
