Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
