why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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