I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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