you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
