apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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