i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
