Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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