I puked a lego.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
