My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
