If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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