Already got asked if we're dating
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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