nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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