is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
