I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
