I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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