you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
