My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
