I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
