she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
