she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
