I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
