Where is the hickey?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
