I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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