wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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